1. i’ve been feeling quite cavalier about graduation lately mainly because there really isn’t much to look forward to besides my Tokyo trip which has left a huge, gaping hole in my wallet but it’s a good problem to have I suppose. The contours of my future are a little too well-defined for my liking but the tragic thing is, despite all my flighty, romanticised notions that I harbour about a life spent drifting from one misadventure to the next, I wouldn’t trade the certainty that I have for anything. I’m such a failed bohemian. In the meantime, to delay my initiation into the disaffected middle-class, I shall dress like a boho and live in a tent in East Coast park. Yeah right, who am I kidding I’m practically married to my bed. See, further evidence that I’m a failed boho wannabe. In the future, when my all-too-predictable life starts to wear on me, I’ll look back and fondly recall how I used to have such beautiful, candy-coated dreams. It’s better to have dreamt and lost than to not have dreamt at all, no? I will of course conveniently gloss over my childhood ambition of becoming part of the Backstreet Boys and at one point when I was a little confused about my gender, the Spice Girls.
2. I’m addicted to Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles. I used to dislike The Beatles because I found their songs tuneless and sleep-inducing(strawberry fields forever still makes me sleepy but in a good way) but oh how wrong was I! One’s taste in music is most definitely an accurate index of one’s maturity.
3. Chinua Achebe just passed on. Rest in peace. I’m sorry to tell you that I absolutely detest Things Fall Apart and I hate that you hated Heart of Darkness with such a bitter vengeance because it’s supposedly racist and Eurocentric and if I were to meet you in heaven one day we’ll have a heated debate about the merits of the novel. I’ll win for sure. I have long fingernails.
4. I’ve grown pretty comfortable with loneliness. No more raging against my constant friendless state and no more poring over instagram photos of my friends traipsing around Europe with hot boyfriends and feeling all bitter and envious on the inside. I do genuinely enjoy being lonely..most of the time. It gives me perspective that I would otherwise not have if I were attending a constant stream of parties every week and taking endless photos of myself with people I barely know to prove…what again? People become so much clearer to you when there’s distance involved. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’m lonely at all. I have books, movies and a tiny handful of friends and family members who genuinely care about me.
5. I miss acting so badly it aches all the time. How can something that makes me so unhappy be the solution to my unhappiness at the same time?
6. I’m starting to fall in love with writing all over again. I’ve been having a bit of a dry spell lately but I’m getting my mojo back.
7. I’m craving for fried chicken and waffles even though I’ve never had fried chicken and waffles before. Anyone would be hard-pressed to think of a more divine combination.
8. Gave a presentation on Graham Green’s The Quiet American this week and heard someone whisper “oh my God he’s damn smart” to the person sitting beside her. I have to confess that I put together the presentation in about two hours in a state of desperation and blind panic. Life has inalterably reduced my ego to the size of a molecule so any comment that would bolster anyone’s confidence just slides off my face like water off a duck’s back but thanks anyway, random girl in my class.